|Last week photo|
I was planning on doing the panorama test that scans my blood to check the baby's dna to determine various trisomy types and the sex of the baby. I was excited to find out, but then I went to the doctor to talk some more about it with her and I think she missed her calling, y'all. Ole gal should be a psychologist (and I should know!). I want to go back to her every month and just talk. Anyway, as we discussed I began thinking that I might not want to know if there's anything special about the baby growing inside of me. Is Trisomy something one can prepare for? I don't know, but I doubt it. I know it's completely different, but I don't think anything could have prepared me for having a deaf child except walking the road myself. Knowing there could be something different about this baby wouldn't change anything about my feelings toward this pregnancy and so I decided I just didn't need to know. Sure, it would have been nice to know the sex of the baby and get "normal" test results, but I can wait. I decided I don't need to spend $100 to speed up that knowledge. I'll know in time. What I DO know now, I'll share with you, though...
I had an ultrasound at that appointment on Monday. The baby was very active. I got to see a clearly visible hand waving at me as he or she moved about kicking and rolling around. Even with baby number four, it's still such an amazing experience to see the heartbeat, to hear it, and to see how the Master is forming this little person in my womb at even just thirteen weeks gestation. Beautiful. Having a baby as a civilian family versus an Army family is so different. The ease with which the tech talked to me and described what we were seeing was refreshing. Ultrasounds in the Army were few and far between in my experience and I was told nothing except what had to be said and then I waited on the doctor to chime in later. The ultrasound tech said if I was just a week or so more progressed in this pregnancy then she would venture a guess to whether it's a boy or a girl, but she was afraid to since it was too soon. She did tell me that there were no obvious boy parts but she wasn't ready to count that out. The gender scan will now be on February 1. I'm excited. Part of me yearns for a daughter, but I think I'll be perfectly happy with another boy. It's what I know and my boys have my heart. Either way, we're ecstatic.
This pregnancy I've been sick. The last two days have been great as far as mornings go. I still feel pretty icky in the evenings. It's as though the flu creeps into my body for a couple hours every night and I wonder how I'll ever make it twenty seven more weeks. I know my due date will be here before I know it, though. I'm trying to enjoy the process as much as I can muster. I've never been one to enjoy pregnancy and the toll it takes on me. I'm at the uncomfortable stage where I look like I have a massive beer belly instead of a cute, obvious baby bump. I feel as if I'm showing pretty early and that discourages me for some reason. I want to stay in the best shape as possible and the first trimester was hard on me. I'll continue to work hard in the gym (and kitchen, let's be honest) to make sure I'm staying healthy for baby and me, but what I still need to focus on is my self-talk. Looking in the mirror, I don't often see an amazing, adaptable body with which God allows me to carry, birth, and nurture our children(without medication I might add!). Instead, I see society's definition of "letting herself go" whether it's true or not. I don't want to be that mom who isn't proud of herself. I want to be one who sets an example for her children, an example of good body image and hard work. Well, that and I want labor to be easier if at all possible and I know being physically fit helps.
I've rambled on and on and have yet to tell you that baby is the size of a peach this week! How's your week going?